Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
