2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
