My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
