My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
