you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
