3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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