I just saw a hot homeless man
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
