BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
