I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
