I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
