We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
