Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
