careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
