I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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