just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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