My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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