I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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