no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
