Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
