I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
