hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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