He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
