his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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