eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
