My brain says no but my pants say off.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
