Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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