i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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