you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
