apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
