he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
