Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
