im about as happy as oj after his trial
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
