Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
