oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
