First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
