Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
