Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Vodka?
Forever.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
