two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
