There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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