Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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