Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
