i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
