I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
