my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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