Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
