Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
