Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
