I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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