I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
