My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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