just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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