i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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